This letter was written after many months of waiting, hoping, praying and finally being told, we are bringing our kids home.
At my first meeting, the Secretary of CYFD cared so deeply about my life & my experience in foster care, I felt as though I should update her on our life.
To The Secretary of CYFD,
I am still in awe of what we made possible for so many families in New Mexico by allowing families to adopt outside of CYFD and also remain willing and able foster parents!
When we met I briefly told you about a possible adoption match we had through CYFD. I kept my phone out during our meeting, because I was waiting the “the call.” Well, I thought I would update you as to our current status.
On December 21st 2018 we will be a family of 5. We will bring home our kids, forever that day. We were officially chosen, and have been through our calendar meeting. The kids won’t be told until the end of November and we won’t actually meet them until the following day. I don’t think I told you the whole story of how this came to be, but it was because of an amazing worker who more than just cares about these kids.
The story goes that she told us about these kids over 2 years ago, in vague detail, asking if we might consider bringing them into our home. We had 2 young babies at the time and we had to say no. For the last 2 plus years I would wonder about these kids. Every few months I’d even tell my husband I was thinking of them and wondering if they were ok, which was unusual because we have said no to more kids than I care to admit and never thought twice about it.
In May of this year I decided I was done wondering, and so I messaged the worker. I basically said, “ I don’t need details, but remember those siblings you told me about a LONG time ago? I just need to know they are home. “ I was shocked to see typing bubbles immediately appear once I sent the message. The response I got was another helpful worker. “This is (i can’t remover their name) from CYFD, do you know who you are trying to reach?” I responded back with the workers name and immediately this person said they would get me her new number.
A very long story condensed- the kids [waited for TPR and they] were held in limbo for a long time. On [date removed] 2018 the appeal was denied. They were officially freed for adoption 2 weeks before I decided I needed to know they were home. We don’t believe in coincidence around our house, so I asked how we would go about getting more information.
A lot has happened since then. Other families were considered, roadblocks appeared, but we were steadfast. We went to our BIP and they said a lot of things that most would find scary. But we weren’t scared. We told them during the last 2 years we had children with similar challenges and about how much we had grown as parents, studied and learned to be the parents our kids needed because of their trauma.
They say hindsight is 20/20. All 10 children we have had over the last three years prepared us for this. They made a way for us to bring our kids home. They showed us that we can do hard things. They brought us to our knees on more than one occasion, teaching us to get back up and try again tomorrow. They showed us that love and commitment can heal many wounds. They also taught us that love isn’t always enough. They taught us about how community: the therapists, school teachers, family, friends, social workers, the list goes on- those people, they are our tribe. And when we needed them, when our kids need them, we will figure it out together. We fight to make their world a better place for them to be. Together.
I still wish the troubles we had with the foster care system didn’t exist. I wish every worker, foster parent, family member and adoptive parent were all trauma and attachment informed. I wish therapy for all children and family was the norm. I wish every worker was a 10 and really cared, showed up and fought hard...
But I know we don’t live in a perfect world. If we did, this system wouldn’t need to exist at all.
When we started fostering I always said “our kids are out there, we just have to find them.” I consider every child that has been in my home my child. I don’t believe there is such a thing as “other people’s children.”
Some of my kids stayed for a time, but #11,#12 
 are staying forever. Without every child we cared for, every worker, bump, and hopeless moment along the way, bringing them home wouldn’t have been possible.
So I guess what I am saying is, we are finally bringing our forever home. I always knew they were out there, but I never saw this as our path. It’s still surreal to think we will be parents to a (almost) 12, 7 and a (almost) 4 year old in a few short months.
And I need to say thank you for the part you have played in our story.
I know a said it earlier, but hindsight is 20/20. I know you get a lot of the blame for things within CYFD you have little or no control over. But I also hope you see all the good that has been done. You have effected me and my family forever. You showed how much you cared when it felt like no one else did and made a positive impact on so many.
I know our situation isn’t considered the ideal success story of foster care. I’ve lived all sides of it now. The reunification that worked, caring for a child for years to have family come forward, and now adopting children who have neither of the other options. Each story is both beautiful and heartbreaking in the same breath.
Beauty and pain aren’t mutually exclusive though. We can live them all, experience life with more feeling than we ever knew existed, and still somehow survive, learn and hopefully make this world a better place in the process.
Thank you. For everything.
The Bray Family
Rebecca & Joshua
Soon to include; [names removed]
Anything with [ ] has either been removed or changed to protect my kids & their story.
